I ATE LIKE CRAP TODAY!!!!!!!!!! That feels better! They only saving grace is that I went to Spin class this morning and so I should have broke even for the day....good thing, would hate to break the 180 mark!!
I sit here again, another night, making the same promises I do EVERY night.....tomorrow I will do better. Wonder when that will really happen.
My kids go back to school tomorrow, so at least there is routine coming. My husband is out of town, so I wont make it to the gym in the morning. (CPS frowns on me leaving my kids at home alone at 5:30am) I am going to TRY to do a step dvd before everyone gets up.....I am not typically motivated to do dvd's....but hopefully the thought of my butt getting another size bigger will get me out of bed.
When will this madness end. Why do I sabotage myself.......I don't WANT to be fat!!!!!!!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
my first post
I am pretty sure that I am going to be the only person reading this blog, but I have decided that writing is good therapy to help me get out all the thoughts that are running through my mind. First, a little background:
I am 38 years old with 2 kids (7 and almost 5). I am married and right now my husband is traveling A LOT! I have my own business (2 actually) that are education related.
I have battled weight my entire life. For as long as I can remember, I thought i was fat. Looking back now, I really did not have as big of a problem as I thought. I really slimmed down in college, mostly to get the attention of the boys, which worked. I looked great. After college, the pounds crept on. I am 5'7" and in college got down to around 145. I was almost too thin. For me, a good weight is somewhere around 165, I was 162 on my wedding day. Today, I am somewhere around 185, but not 100% sure because I am scared to death to go near a scale.
I have done WW, Nutrisystem, and even ordered Phentermine from India from online pharmacies. Each time, I lost weight only to gain it back with a few extra for good measure!
I have 100 reasons as to why I am so heavy right now, but really it just comes down to the fact that I love to eat. I think about eating all the time. I also have a problem with INSTANT gratification...I am hungry, so I will now...whatever is around me!!!! Am I eating to deal with some deep dark emotional problem...maybe?? Who know?? All i know is I do it and then hate my self afterwards.
I am obsessed with being thin! I look at people and think "wow, it must feel good to be able to wear something like that." I even say that about people on TV. I may see a commercial for alergy medicine, but I am thinking "she has kids and is so thin, I wish that were me." It is pathetic!!
It affects how I feel....right now, the last thing I want to do is be social. I am sure that everyone is looking at me thinking...."wow, she has really packed it on this year!!!!!"
I am not comfortable in my own body. For the first time since recouping from child birth, I bend over and can feel my rolls touch. My arm brushes past my waste and I can feel my muffin top. It is so freaking disgusting.
Why cant I do something about it....well, I am hoping that writing this blog will help me figure it out. Even if I am the only one reading it!!
I am 38 years old with 2 kids (7 and almost 5). I am married and right now my husband is traveling A LOT! I have my own business (2 actually) that are education related.
I have battled weight my entire life. For as long as I can remember, I thought i was fat. Looking back now, I really did not have as big of a problem as I thought. I really slimmed down in college, mostly to get the attention of the boys, which worked. I looked great. After college, the pounds crept on. I am 5'7" and in college got down to around 145. I was almost too thin. For me, a good weight is somewhere around 165, I was 162 on my wedding day. Today, I am somewhere around 185, but not 100% sure because I am scared to death to go near a scale.
I have done WW, Nutrisystem, and even ordered Phentermine from India from online pharmacies. Each time, I lost weight only to gain it back with a few extra for good measure!
I have 100 reasons as to why I am so heavy right now, but really it just comes down to the fact that I love to eat. I think about eating all the time. I also have a problem with INSTANT gratification...I am hungry, so I will now...whatever is around me!!!! Am I eating to deal with some deep dark emotional problem...maybe?? Who know?? All i know is I do it and then hate my self afterwards.
I am obsessed with being thin! I look at people and think "wow, it must feel good to be able to wear something like that." I even say that about people on TV. I may see a commercial for alergy medicine, but I am thinking "she has kids and is so thin, I wish that were me." It is pathetic!!
It affects how I feel....right now, the last thing I want to do is be social. I am sure that everyone is looking at me thinking...."wow, she has really packed it on this year!!!!!"
I am not comfortable in my own body. For the first time since recouping from child birth, I bend over and can feel my rolls touch. My arm brushes past my waste and I can feel my muffin top. It is so freaking disgusting.
Why cant I do something about it....well, I am hoping that writing this blog will help me figure it out. Even if I am the only one reading it!!
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